January~quotes

“Indeed, such is the plan of divine love that its purpose is always to draw back to itself that which it loves; it draws everyone out of themselves and out of all created reality, and totally into the uncreated.”
A quote from a 17th century mystic.

I read the quote last night, after coming home from an outing with new friends. I was out at an expat bar called Mattigans, it reminds me of a ‘Bennigans’ in the states. I went with my coworkers from the school, the third time since I started working at LCI, that a whole group of us have went out. It was a very pleasurable time, because the group of us had such a fun time together and really got along . Oh, making new friends, especially when 5 out of the 12 teachers don’t know each other, can be hard to do! It is even more weighted because we all work together, we come together to successfully create a top notch language institute that serves the best language education. Private schools, like the one we all work at, are very cut throat in Korea. One wrong move and the school may lose many students, thus causing it to close its doors. All teachers have to be at their best, controlling their individual environment and greatly succeeding in servicing their students. There is a strong nonverbal agreement that each teacher can hold their own, and do great by the students, their parents, the Korean staff, and other English teachers. This agreement can put a strain on friendship, if too much competition or negative “behind your back” talk is held. Mostly, during the school week, we all 12 teachers are totally focused on what has to be done, the day is filled with many tasks and responsibilities. “Hanging out by the water coller and chatting” is not an activity of our day. While some teachers have lunch together (including me about 3 days a week), we often have work to do during our lunch period that also takes away from social converse with peers. One moves to a new country, starts a new job, and has fewer friends than before—it can be very stressful! Of course making friends with your coworkers is on your to-do list… but that can be harder due to the judgment from them of your “work.” I felt such joy in again being able to so comfortably associate with my fellow teachers, to drink with them and talk and laugh (lots of laughing). I am not a judgmental person…wisdom straight from the wise does not allow us to judge others--- even negative thoughts can weight down a true mystic. Yet, I am still aware of human’s strengths and weaknesses. I am also sensitive to others judgment of me. As a teacher, I feel very confident!!! I am doing great at the school and am loving how successful I am at it! As a mystic, I am not as confident. Too many questions…lol. Yet, last night, I was able to relate and get great pleasure from my coworkers, via their normal realm rather than the mystical realm I am so immersed in. We all truly, deeply, enjoyed each other’s company… even comments were made by some of my fellow coworkers, “What a great time they had with me!” I have only been teaching at the school for 5 weeks, getting to know each of them, I will make exciting and rewarding.

I get positive attention sooo much from the mystical realm. I find it funny that, for me, it is still so greatly needed—I know I should not desire my coworkers to see me as the mystical realm see’s me… I wanted last night to be able to break free from mysticism and that realm and yet still deeply connect to people. Specifically, people who are newly important in my life, because I work to achieve “success” with them; though I still do not know much about them or have had little deep connection with them. How often does a person feel great positive deep connection with their coworkers? Especially, when they just started working with them? It mattered that this happened last night. I remember thinking to myself, while laughing and talking to the other teachers, the mystical realm isn’t here right now. I am not the famous, center of the universe, “Darlene Sterner”, rather I was just (for some moments in time at least…) a new teacher the other teachers were enjoying the night with…

It doesn’t happen. To be somewhere, especially out of the home and not experience the Earth mystically. It hardly ever happens. Like I mentioned, I hear them 24/7. Almost. Last night was a small window where I experienced life on this Earth as a nobody, as a person who is not always tied in, always talked about, listened to, included, worshiped, loved, noticed, started at, commented on, sang to, endless conversations, endless awareness of me….

Later on that night, the environment did change back to the realm that does what I wrote above. We all had been sitting at a table talking and laughing, enjoying the buzz from the consumption of alcohol. I was thinking certain thoughts and the music the bar was playing (of course) changed, (so it would be singing of me—what I was thinking, to me—how they felt about me or a comment on who I was…)
Then the TV tuned me in, the Asian news broadcaster (I think she was broadcasting the news), made a comment on what I just said…
The voices heard from the crowd at the bar started to talk to me, and as I looked upon the strangers faces, I could see them notice me and say something that commented on what I was thinking, either to me or to the other people there.

The bar, the environment, once again belonged to me.

Oh~ how hard it is to explain sometimes, “the true experiences” I have… To be thinking and have your environment, the faces of the people, what they are saying, the songs being played, or what is said on the TV…just change for you, because of your thoughts. Such a rabbit hole of a hallucination! Yet, reality to me and them, because it's as if my thoughts are being said to everyone outload. We become these psychics, and what I think is as if I saying it with my voice! I say rabbit hole because of the movie that everyone should watch, “What the Bleep Do We Know, Down the Rabbit Hole.” To note, I did get to talk to Johnny Cash last night. Yes, Johnny Cash. His song came on and I was talking to the people, all via my mind but some of their lips were moving (the people at the bar…) and something was said… I forget what, but Johnny then said something and I commented on how he felt like me… a joke between us. I thought of how the song was written years ago, and it felt right then as if I was there... almost dejavu... Many believe in past lives, though I am Christian, I do note that even in the bible reincarnation is spoken about... I could have just thought the right thought at the right second, as I sooooooo often do... Our unconscious and conscious are all tied in, all on, a part of this think called mind at large. Many times someone will say something I just thought.... it happens so frquently now, that I can't help but want to research more on ESP/Telepathy/Mental ability created by deep spiritualism.

I got home late last night and decided to read some wisdom.... I just opened the book and landed on the quote I wrote above. I thought of how during this whole trip, and we call it a trip or sometimes a movie, because it certainly feels like one… I thought of how I have yet to cling to anything. Everyday passes and I smile or frown and yet I don’t cling to that thought or what happened. I don’t obsess over me and this mystical experience, or the mystical experiences I have had. I just started this blog in hopes of expressing it better to those I have close to me, as well as, myself. I am not lost in thought over what, who, why, when or where. And in this realization, I also realize, I am trying not to be attached to it. Even though it is a part of me like my arm or leg, a part of me like my mind… I still break free and enjoy the passage of some kind of time without any thought of it.

Of course I do wonder, How can time exist when in an environment, the past and the present, attaches itself to you? I can be in a place, at a event, in a building, and I "sense" something different… Something that ties the place into me… from the music, to the TV, to the strangers/friends there who look at me and physically talk to me. I have told people about this of course, we'v e even talked about it, and for some of my closer friends, it is just a fact that happens. I am sensative to something unseen, known but not often proven. I feel very blessed, and loved. I am not abandoned.